Many years ago in a not so far away land I made a decision with my then husband. A decision that would haunt me for so many years. A decision that would me awake at night and gnaw at my inner self. It was a decision that made me cry ever day and every night I did it for the love of my child and the love of my other children.
I was but only 22 years old with 2 kids. Then I learned I was pregnant again. At the time of this pregnancy my family was in financial difficulties and we could barely feed the kids. My husband and I were eating crackers for meals and letting the kids eat the good food. I was not ready for this child. There was no way I could handle the stress or the money situation at the time
I remember picking up the phone and thinking there is no way I can do this. Then I thought there is no way I can not do this. I placed a call that haunted me for many years and torn at my heart. I agreed to give away one of the most wonderful gifts I would ever have.
Nine months later I lay in a delivering room listening to my son cry. Knowing that if I looked at him I could never give him away. The next day signing my son away without ever looking at him or holding him. I wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him and I was sorry that I had to give him away. But I could not not do it there was no other way. My most precious baby was given to a complete stranger and I was expected to trust that I had made the right decision one that I could live with.